Client Experiences
Improved quality of life for all
Paul’s sister-in-law, Siobhan, was fearful as she had frequently heard Paul shouting at Jill, her sister who suffers from dementia. Through dialogue in mediation, Paul her husband and the main carer, realised he needed support and began to see how stressed he was. During the mediation process Siobhan also began to realise her own panic came from her distress about her sister’s dementia. Both Paul and Siobhan came to understand what was happening and how it was distracting them from their time with Jill. The quality of their relationship got back on track and they were able to support one another in caring for the person they both loved so much.
Staying at home longer
“Mum and Dad were always so independent, despite the fact that we are all in our early 40’s we always gravitated to their house for family occasions. I know it’s strange but we really hadn’t realized just how bad Mum was until Dad got sick. He covered for her memory loss all the time, answering questions for her and so on. The Mediators helped us admit what we knew in our hearts that Mum would soon need residential care. Once we accepted that, things started to improve, through the Mediation sessions we managed to put together a care plan which meant that they could both stay at home for a little longer, and that as a family, along with the outside help, were able to enjoy what time we had left with our parents in the family home”
Returning home from hospital
The medical staff and family of a 92 year old man who had a fall were concerned about his return home. The man himself was dead set on going home from hospital and wouldn’t hear of any problems. The family sought the help of elder mediators. “Dad was reluctant at first and couldn’t understand the need to involve strangers in the family discussion. However when he met one of the male mediators he really liked him and to our amazement shared quite a bit about how he thought he would cope. One of my sisters was against even the idea of him going home, again the mediator spoke with her before our meeting and she began to see things from Dad’s point of view. At the meeting we discussed how we as a family could listen to Dad’s wishes and we were able to explain to Dad how worried we all were about him. It was really tough but the mediators encouraged us to speak our truth, and Dad softened so much towards us, he spoke about our Mum and how she was pulled between her elderly parents and us, and how it had nearly wrecked their marriage. I was amazed at how open he was with us. With the help of our mediators we put a plan in place to get carers in morning and night time and we set up a rota for visiting Dad.”
Widening the circle of support
Through Elder Mediation Séan, who had been caring for his wife since her accident, began to accept the help of others. Close friends and family who wanted to support them both were willing to help by visiting or by cooking a meal. Séan had found it impossible to accept help before the mediation because he felt that he should be able to manage it all on his own. Practical supports like creating a rota for visits and meals gave Séan the opportunity to take a break and engage in activities and hobbies on a regular basis.
Elder Mediation is a person-centred service
A social worker working in dementia care who was part of one of our mediations with a family said: “Person centred service. Process gives the time and reflection other services cannot. Other services do not have the training for this kind of intervention. All parties get the chance to express, be heard and responded to.”
Helping a person with dementia stay at home
Following the mediated meeting, the daughter, who had a young family and was extremely stressed caring for her Mum, said “we would never have achieved so much without the help of Later Life Mediation mediators”. Practical day to day tasks were scheduled and shared with all involved in her Mum’s care and she and her sister got a greater understanding of where each was coming from through the facilitated family conversation. This helped the family build a platform from where they could take positive actions at a precious and important time in their lives.
End of life decisions: power of attorney, living wills and decision making
In Ireland people are often afraid to speak about these issues and avoid having conversations until it is too late. Often while avoiding them they are worrying about what is going to happen in the future. Elder Mediation can create a safe environment where these important conversations can take place. When these decisions are made there is a noticeable reduction in stress, particularly for the older person, and people can start to enjoy life without the worry. “I wanted certain things to happen after I die and I was afraid how they (her children) would react. With the help of the mediators I was able to say how and why I wanted things done in a particular way. I was so surprised and happy with the way my children responded. The mediators really helped.”
Clearing the air so important issues can be addressed
The consultant who diagnosed his patient’s early onset dementia said the intervention by the elder mediators “took the heat out of a conflict within a family” prior to his holding a family meeting to discuss the diagnosis.
Disability Service transitioning service users into the community
Very often families are fearful of their adult child/sibling with an intellectual disability moving from the care home to the community. The Director of Nursing welcomed the input of mediation and recommended the benefit of using the intervention as early as possible in the process. Family members felt their concerns were heard more clearly.
NOTE: The names of the people above have been changes to protect their identity and to maintain confidentiality.